Kevin James Klenkel

Off the Wall Since Spring 2010

Other Known Aliases: KLENKEL3000, Angel Eyes

Birthday: 01/11/91

Hometown: Bowie, Maryland

Stats:
-6 feet tall runnin it all
- Pokemon Master
- Fun at parties
- Blinks regularly

Kevin Klenkel is on the prowl.

Where to begin with a man like Kevin Klenkel?  He wears many hats, that of the lover, the fighter, and the comedian.  He also can sometimes be seen sporting an actual hat.  Some people think he is before his time, others think he was born too late, but the doctor insisted that when he was born that was the time he was born.  He lives like a king, if the king had no money, power, or influence on the delicate workings of the state.  At 13 he moved to the ass end of nowhere but now he’s back. Back, back and we’re glad he’s back—he had to slay a dragon, kill a giant, and fix a wagon. Wage a war, feed the world, and stamp out sin.  In the daytime he was never in.  but now he’s moved to Stand up comedy and things will never be the changed.

Likes: That kid, he’s cool.  America.  Staying alive (both the action and to a lesser extent the song).  Electronico zapatos.

Dislikes: people who wear belts and suspenders at the same time. Coffee. Mayonnaise. Hipsters. Communists.

Did You Know?:  That sailing the seven seas is not as satisfying as you would expect.
 

Influences:
- Steven Wright
- Louis C.K.
- David Cross
- Harland Williams

Quotes
- Hang on to your ego- Brian Wilson
- Illmatic is supreme ill. Its as ill as it gets.  That shit is a science of everything ill. - Nas

Harrison Baum

Off the Wall since Fall 2010.

Other Known Aliases: Dr. Harrison Baum, Pimpdaddy X, harrisonbaum.cock

Birthday: unknown

Hometown: North Potomac, MD

Stats:
5’6 on a good day
125 pounds
11 inches
Flame Pokemon, level 36

Some say I am a threat to society. I cannot confirm nor deny these accusations BUT IF YOU DO I’LL HAMMER YOUR FUCKING FACE IN.

In North Potomac born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool
And all playin some gameboy outside of school
When my SAT scores came
They were not too good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one big college and had to embark
They said ‘You’re movin’ in with some druggies to College Park.

And now I do comedy.

Likes:
hammers

Dislikes:
homeless people, feet

Did You Know?:
No

Influences:
Marijuana

Quotes:
“Solutions are not the answer.”- Richard Nixon

Isaac Blevins Hirsch

Off the Wall since Fall 2010

Other Known Aliases: Gavin Davis

Birthday: Sometime, 1992

Hometown: Greenbelt, MD

Stats:
Height: 6’1”
Weight: 114 lbs. 
Wait, Seriously?: Yes
Are You A Decomposing Corpse?: No

One sentence bio: Isaac Hirsch is not into the whole brevity thing. [alternatively, if Harrison chooses “Harrison Baum is a threat to society,” make mine also “Harrison Baum is a threat to society”]

Isaac Hirsch has had a great interest in comedy ever since he learned to laugh, at the age of 8. [He is still learning to love.] He mostly tells short jokes that are not about him, either because he is boring or there are some horrible things about himself he doesn’t want you to know.

Likes:
-Music you’ve never heard of, not because it’s underground or anything, just because it’s bad
-Jokes that are self-referential
-Remember when I said I liked self-referential jokes? Wasn’t that funny?

Dislikes:
-Talking with people at length, because it reveals I am a jerk or stupid or both
-The strange high pitched hum in my room

Did You Know?:-Isaac plays quizbowl, which means he knows a lot of trivia and academic stuff, but he was never very good at it, so he doesn’t know THAT much trivia?

Influences:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/radiohead-denies-influencing-local-band,2730/

Quotes
“Remember when I made that self-referential joke? Here’s another callback.”

Jonathan Steven Purvish “Vish” Bhatt Michaels

Featured Performer: Spring 2008-Spring 2010. Creative Consultant - Fall 2010 - Present.

Essential Statistics:

Birthday: 04/30 The Jurassic

Hometown: Owings Mills, Md.

Height: 6″

Vish Bhatt is a hunk.

Plucked from the SEE Comedy Competition in late February 2008, Vish Bhatt was one of Off the Wall’s most-consistent performers, operating behind an impenetrable barrier of calm determination that landed him a spot in DC’s inaugural Bentzen Ball Comedy Festival, where he performed alongside Nick Thune, Laura Silverman and Reggie Watts.

Outside of that, he is the cutest racist shy alcoholic nerdy Indian transformer you will ever meet.

Don’t call him “Purv” unless you are female, lying in bed with him and topless.

He is known to practice his fake British accent on innocent bystanders and strangers at parties.

Likes: Food, acting, comedy, climbing Mt. Everest, plagiarizing essays, insulting people of various backgrounds.

Dislikes: chores, movement, words, racism, people who assume he is Native American.

Influences

Frequently Used Phrases

“Thank you, you’re very sexy as well.”

“That’s what Hitler said.”

Perth O’duibhdiorma
Off the Wall since Spring 2010 

Other Known Aliases: Terry Pattersnatch, Guendivinalire Popplethorp, The Elusive Cavitar

Birthday: 14 August 2465 

Hometown: Centralia, PA

Stats:
Horse Collection Level - 5 
Fork Abilities - 9 
Florp Length – 45 meters
Hair - Blonde
Perth

Likes: Hibbard-Pie, Frimping, Cholfing

Dislikes: Cormers, Flimbs, Haroquads

Did You Know?: You can actually find hobo seeds in the tomato aisle at your local green grocers?

Influences:
- Zach Galifianakis -The Mighty Boosh -Tim and Eric - Shaquille O’Neal Quotes

“From slicks and walps our gardens grow,
To feed the hearty faums
And reach into their belly-bowls
And mellow barlby gloms.
But hear this message, hear it calm,
For fallow ears will falter.
At Agmor’s Slick Wick, fips and maum
Will-try bargums merry platter.